Beautifully Toxic by Charity Parkerson

Author:Charity Parkerson [Parkerson, Charity]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781946099716
Publisher: Punk & Sissy Publications
Published: 2020-05-24T16:00:00+00:00

After waking up alone in the theater room, Jessie had spent the entire day champing at the bit and losing his mind with Theo locked in his room. Every horrible thought known to man had gone through Jessie’s mind throughout the day. Had Jessie finally gone too far by passing out on Theo last night? Was Theo done with him now that he saw Jessie for the loser he was? Would he leave now? Finally, an idea had struck. Jessie would write Theo a song. He would show Theo how much he cared. Unfortunately, the longer he sat there, getting nowhere and obsessing over the many reasons Theo still hadn’t come out of his room, the more he spiraled out of control. He didn’t know anymore what he was doing. Then Theo had appeared. Jessie had sat with his knees pressed to Theo’s and his belly full of liquor and pills. With lust pressing on his throat.

Now that Jessie had driven Theo from the room and broken the boy’s heart, he spent all his time musing over life with Theo. It was funny how no matter how much he drank, snorted, or swallowed, Jessie still was never so far gone that he didn’t recall every minute detail of each second he spent with Theo. He should have known Theo was a virgin. If Jessie was being honest with himself, he had known it in his heart. Jessie was paralyzed with self-loathing and thoughts of anyone else touching Theo. Sometimes, late at night, Jessie would kick back in Theo’s bed while Theo read comic books to him, and he would dream. Occasionally, Jessie would have flashes of total belief that he could change. That he could be more for Theo. The darkness always won, though. His addictions always beat him.

Jessie had a little baggie filled with pills in his pocket. He didn’t even know what they were anymore. Jessie shook all the pills out into his palm. The different colors swirled and mixed, promising freedom from his ghosts. They promised no more dead eyes would stare at him once the life left his own eyes. Jessie poured them into his mouth and then chugged what was left of the whiskey.

A small chuckle rose in his throat, choked away by an unexpected wave of tears. He fell backward and stared at the ceiling. No one understood what it was like to be him. If he wasn’t creating music, the unhappiness suffocated him. Even if the music flowed from him, it had nowhere to go anymore. He was a one-man band now. Theo was somewhere else, checking out Grindr, and all Jessie’s friends were dead. Declan stayed for Ezra’s sake and Ezra only came around out of loyalty. On and on. The vicious cycle churned. Jessie was the only one who could make the wretched suffering stop. Remove him from the picture, and everyone else moved on.

Jessie’s breathing shallowed. He swore he heard his heartbeat slow. Jessie closed his eyes. An image of Theo was there waiting.

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